💜 Should They Stay or Should They Go?

*queue Should I Stay or Should I Go by The Clash*

Hello and Happy Thursday!

I'm going to guess that I'm not the only person who has shared something - and then instantly regretted it. That is exactly where I found myself six-months ago while leading a client cohort through our Training for the Modern Manager program.

For weeks, a manager in the cohort had been sharing story after story about an employee that just never seemed satisfied with how things ran within their company. This manager had bent over backwards trying to keep the employee engaged and meet their increasingly aggressive demands, because (outside of the consistent grievances) they were a top performer. After hearing yet another story from this manager, I found the following words tumbling out of my mouth:

"Have you considered that maybe this isn't the right fit for them and you should encourage them to move on?"

Mind you, this particular cohort also contained one of the client's two program sponsors, an incredibly bright HRBP. 🤦 "Now you've done it," I thought. I'd really just encouraged one of their managers to approach a top performer about potentially finding their next opportunity - in front of HR, no less.

Luckily - to my surprise and delight - the HRBP quickly jumped in to double down on my recommendation. I wasn't the only one who could clearly see that there was no change (significant or otherwise) that would make this employee happy - to the point where moving on might be the best thing they could do for both themselves and the organization.

Unfortunately, it’s likely a situation familiar to anyone who has ever held a job. Whether it’s a coworker, a direct report, or even your supervisor, it’s not difficult to recognize when someone is unhappy in their role. It’s obvious to those around them and makes working with them a challenge. We might sympathize with some of their gripes but you can recognize that it’s time for them to move on. If it’s a coworker, it might not be too hard to encourage them to find a new job, but what if you are their manager or other company leader? Broaching this topic with them can be tricky as you try to find the right balance between what’s good for them and what’s good for the company.

So today we’re going to discuss how to have that tough conversation with an employee. With some preparation, what seems like a scary discussion can actually help both parties breathe a sign of relief when you openly discuss that it might be time for someone to find a new role. It’s one of the not-so-fun parts of working in people ops, or just being a manager, but honing this skill will help you provide some much needed empathy to an employee who is struggling.

Yours with candor,

Jill

Approaching a direct report about your perception that they're unhappy in their role is not something to dive into without thought. Let’s review some of the ways we can identify this scenario, and think through what might be making them feel that way, before kicking off the discussion.

Let’s talk about how we realize someone is unhappy at work. There are usually some (not so subtle) signs.

1. They complain - a lot. Everyone complains about their job sometimes and some things are deserving of our wrath! But at the end of the day we know that no job is perfect and there will always be some parts we don’t like. However, if you find that someone is constantly complaining and you can’t get through a conversation without them going on a rant (and haven’t for a while) then something’s up.

2. Their negativity is seeping out. Maybe you’ve noticed this person’s coworkers suddenly complaining about the same things you know they are unhappy about, or you notice some eye-rolling or other signs of frustration from people around them. You know the saying “one bad apple can spoil the bunch”? If you see that starting to happen, it’s time to take action.

3. Their work quality declining. If someone is disgruntled, they are likely not doing their best work. Look out for someone who starts completing assignments with more than the usual number of errors or just a general lack in quality. Their poor performance may also cause coworkers or teammates to raise concerns, especially if others are having to pick up the slack.

4. They’re disengaged. The absence of an employee who is usually enthusiastic about participating in optional/social activities is usually noticeable. We all have scheduling conflicts but if someone seems to suddenly disappear from the work community and only show up when required, it’s time to find out why.

5. They are moving in the wrong direction. This could mean they keep bringing up something you’ve already discussed and decided is not possible (like the company paying for them to attend a conference that isn’t relevant to their role). Or it could mean they are resistant to changes happening and are determined to stay stuck in their old ways.

Once you realize it’s time to have that difficult conversation with someone, it’s a good idea to prepare. Here are some questions to think through:

• Am I “allowed” to have this conversation? We put that in quotes because you are free to do whatever you want! But if you want to avoid potential discipline from leadership, it’s a good idea to check with other leaders involved - team leads, your HR rep, etc., to make sure they agree that it’s a good time to sit down with this employee.

• How much value does this person bring to the company? Your approach to the conversation may differ if they are a tenured employee who could benefit the company in another capacity, vs a new professional who may be realizing that they are working in the wrong industry.

• Have they hinted at wanting to leave? If it’s not a big secret that this person has considered moving on, it may be easier to approach this topic. But if they’ve shown no indication of wanting to leave the company, it will require some deft.

• How can you anticipate their response? Be prepared for a range of emotions - defensiveness, sadness, surprise, etc. Make sure they know that this conversation is about providing support and options, not about pushing them out.

• What are some potential next steps? If they agree it’s time to move on, have some next steps prepared. This could be a follow-up meeting to create an exit plan, or a discussion with HR.

After you’ve prepared, set up a meeting with them (or better yet, add this to a conversation as part of an existing meeting) and ask the following question:

Their response will give you some information to steer the conversation in a productive direction.

Common Answers:

1. “I want/need to make more money.” Can your company provide more money? If so, have an honest convo about what they need to do to earn it, including time-bound, measurable milestones. If their salary needs are not feasible in a reasonable amount of time, they need to know that. Don’t make false promises or share big dreams for the future that may not come to fruition, just to prevent them from quitting.

2. “I want to enjoy working with my supervisor.” Ask clarifying questions to help you determine why that’s not happening now and if it’s a personality clash, a leadership issue, or signs of a larger problem. Then, discuss options based on the situation. Is there any flexibility in org structure so this person could report to someone else? Does their manager need training? Could the employee’s role be adjusted so they don’t have to work with that person as closely? There are lots of factors here, and you don’t have to have all of the answers in this initial meeting.

3. “I want to enjoy coming to work” Find out what is preventing that right now. Is it related to their job duties, their work environment, their career trajectory, work-life balance? If they are interested in staying with the company, discuss potential solutions. But this might also mean that it’s time for them to move on, and you can ask if they’ve considered that this role is no longer a good fit.

GIVE THEM PERMISSION to consider other options if you can’t seem to find a good solution. It can be refreshing both for the employee and the supervisor to have a frank discussion about the role not being a good fit for them any more. Give them “permission” to consider other options. Let them know that it’s okay to realize a role is not a good fit, and work toward a solution - one that might include their departure from your company.

If it’s clear that the company cannot offer what they need, it might be time to shift the conversation toward a supported transition. We’ll dive into this topic and how to create an exit plan in a future newsletter issue. Anything specific you want us to cover?

In the meantime, check out the resources linked below for additional support.

We know these are some of the hardest conversations to have as People people. We also know they’re some of the most important conversations in creating a culture where employees are engaged and happy at work.

From everyone on the Want to Work There team, we’re cheering you on through this hard & (sometimes) messy work. 🩵

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