💜 Feedback Paralysis

Hello and Happy Thursday!

Today we’re diving into a topic we all love to hate: feedback. We love it because we know it helps us learn and grow and develop. We hate it because it’s hard - both to give and receive, especially for those of us in the Millennial generation. 

The average Millennial is 35, which means that many of us have become managers, and boy are we doing things differently than our Boomer predecessors! A stark contrast from the strict workplaces we experienced where work and home were kept completely separate, we are so eager to bring empathy and humanity into our professional communities. 

But when it comes to giving feedback, we struggle.

We know it’s important to not only praise accomplishments but also acknowledge and coach our teammates through mistakes, but it’s just so difficult! 

So today we’re going to explore why it’s so hard for Millennial managers to give feedback, and share some ways for you to become more comfortable with giving it to your team (whether you are a Millennial or not!). 

Be the best Momager, er, Manager you can be

No one likes giving constructive feedback - okay maybe there are some people who enjoy it - but it makes most of us cringe. We are trying so hard to be the best boss in all other areas, but we’ll take the long route to avoid this one. Maintaining this balance is a real challenge, and it’s one you are ready for - so let’s dive in!

Why is giving feedback so hard for Millennials? 

1. We really want to be liked. We want to be the “cool boss” that is approachable, empathetic, and supportive of their team. We want our team members to know that we understand they are humans and not just work robots. Sometimes, however, this can blur the lines between boss and friend, and we can start to become more of a “Momager”. We have a hard time 

2. We don’t have a good example to follow.  We’re not here to hate on Boomers, but the workplaces they led generally did not make much room for feelings. We did as we were told and the boss was always right, so we screwed up a lot and learned from our mistakes the hard way. Now that it’s our turn to set the tone in the workplace, we want to prevent the budding Gen Z professionals on our team from experiencing that frustration, but we’re not entirely sure how to make that happen.

3. Gen Z wants more feedback - a lot more.  Millennials don’t expect to be praised for every contribution, but come performance review time, we want to know that those contributions are adding up to something (like a promotion). Gen Z doesn’t want to wait around for an annual review -  they want to know frequently along the way how they are doing and if what they are doing is helping them progress. They are used to having information right at their fingertips all the time. When they don’t know the answer to something, they look it up. It can be frustrating that it’s not always that easy in the workplace.

How to be better at giving feedback:

1. Start by praising success. Think back to when you were new to the professional world, or starting in a new role. You might have felt nervous and unsettled as you tried to figure things out. Some reassurance can go a long way to help our team members be more confident, and to set a foundation of trust for your working relationship. 

2. When someone screws up, tell them. Instead of fixing their mistakes or glossing over recurring issues, have a conversation about where things went wrong and how it can be avoided in the future. Quality feedback matters, so avoid platitudes and focus on how their contribution to the team can be improved. Don’t wait for review time - it’s important to provide feedback while it’s fresh in your minds.*

3. Focus on their career growth. Gen Z is anxious to get ahead, both because of their inherent entrepreneurial spirit and their need for financial security. Make sure they know that feedback is a tool to help them advance. When you give constructive feedback, let your team know that you see it as a learning opportunity, not a reprimand. 

4. Be okay with not always being liked. You can’t be the cool boss 100% of the time. Don’t make the mistake of trying to soften the blow with a feedback sandwich. It’s better to be firm, and when you are, your team will pay close attention to what you say.

* We like the SBI feedback model: Situation, Behavior, Impact.

For example: “Yesterday when you were giving the presentation (situation) you sped through the slides pretty quickly and didn’t pause for comments (behavior). This led to the client getting frustrated that they had to ask you to scroll back and remember the questions they wanted to ask (impact).” Then, explain what they can do in the future to improve.